Withered
by ilizze
Summary: KJ. For the first time in her life, Kel is in love, and she doen't care what anybody thinks. But will everything work out or will the odds against them win? Set during Squire.
1. Endless waiting

A/N: Hello! This is my new fic. This chapter's a bit short, but more is explained in the next one. Please review and tell me what you think. It's a romance between Kel and ? It's set during Squire so there are spoilers in it if you haven't read it yet.  
  
Please read my other story, What Makes you Different. It's A/G.  
  
Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns Tortall and it's people.  
  
Dedicated to Yasmin, who proofread this chapter and the next one. Thanks!  
  
Chapter 1- Endless Waiting  
  
Kel sat. She sat in the same way she had since dawn, three hours ago, when he had entered the chamber. A poppy was clutched tightly in her hands that rested in her lap. A hand lightly placed itself on Kels shoulder. Kel turned slightly to face the friend who had been the only one to really support her these last few months. The only one who had stood by her from the beginning.  
  
Kel smiled weakly at Yuki. She gave an encouraging smile back, and Kel glanced around the Chapel of the Ordeal. The numbers had increased; time had brought with it more spectators. She sighed and looked longingly at the entrance to the chamber as she had so many times already that morning. A ghostly light glinted off the cold iron door. Kel shuddered, remembering what she had seen herself. The remembrance of these visions only caused the noring feeling in her stomach to intensify. Kel tried to squash the fear that was eating away inside of her. What was taking so long?!  
  
"He'll be fine Kel," Yuki whispered softly, "He'll come out safe." Kel looked at her Yamani friend and prayed to the Gods she was right. Kel's face that was normally so composed showed all her emotions. Fear was etched over the lines of her face. Kel hated showing all her emotions like this, but she could only hide so many things at once. Keladry of Mindelan was scared.  
  
"I don't want to lose him Yuki," Kel replied faintly, "I can't." Yukimi simply hugged the distraught sixteen year old before her. Her friend was in love and she could do nothing to comfort her. Kel looked again towards the iron door. She held the poppy closer to her chest and began to reflect on the last few months of her life.  
  
A/N: Ok, so Kel's a little OOC, but she's in love. Tammy never tells us how Kel reacts to anything like that. The nearest Kel comes to love in the books is Cleon. Anyway, please tell me what you think! I'd really appreciate the comments. Lady Fire eyes 


	2. And so it begins

^italics^ thoughts  
  
All Kel's troubles had started that night. Spring had come to Tortall and the progress had stopped its seemingly endless journey through the lands for a short break in the festivities. It had come to rest at fief Sinthya at the great expense of its Lady and nine year old Lord.  
  
It had passed midnight, but still Kel lay awake, mulling over the events of the day. Two things were keeping her awake; Her joust against Ansil of Groten the next day, and those kisses she had shared with Cleon earlier that night. Sighing Kel stood and dressed, deciding to go for a walk. There was a faint hope it might help to clear her head.  
  
Kel lifted the tent flap, careful not to make much noise. Years in the Kings Own had caused Raoul to become a light sleeper and she didn't want to wake him. A cool breeze wrapped itself around Kel, causing her to shiver. Despite the cold air, Kel walked slowly through the tent rows thinking. What if I don't beat him? Everyone who thinks I can't fight will think they have proof. I'll be even more ridiculed than I already am! Ah, but if you ^do^ win you'll have proven you're better than Joren and that Groten pig Kel argued with herself. She sighed again as her rational side decided it wanted a piece of this argument. Kel's mothers voice sounded in her head, 'If-ing and but-ing won't change anything.' She smiled. She had been told that a lot in the islands. If I win, I win Kel thought,If I lose, I lose. That settled, she put her mind to the other problem. Cleon.  
  
Cleon was difficult. He was her friend and she didn't want to risk that friendship on what would probably be a short-lived romance, ending in pain for all involved. Everyone knew Cleon was already betrothed, to the wealthy heiress of Aminar. Kel smiled and shook her head. It was a similar reason to why she had never acted on her old crush for Neal. At least she used to feel something for Neal. The girl frowned and chewed her lip. She felt nothing for Cleon, in a more than friendly sense. And just how was she supposed to tell ^him^ that?  
  
Kel, still lost in her thoughts, was not looking at the path before her. And neither was a man walking in the opposite direction. They walked straight into each other and fell onto the dirt path. The pair picked themselves up and brushed the dirt from their breeches. Kel looked at the man and Hazel eyes met ice blue. Kel and Joren glared at each other. "Watch where you're going, Mindelan," He sneered. Kel refrained from rolling her eyes at the pettiness of the comment. Instead, she delicately raised her eyebrows and waited for the next comment Joren would make in an attempt to anger her. "And why would a wench like you be wandering around at night?" Joren snapped, implying what Kel had heard all her life. Kel frowned. She was not in the mood for this. Her tongue got away from her from a moment and she snapped back, "And why would you? Coming back from Vinsons?" Kel realised she was becoming more like Neal every day. Joren snarled. He grabbed her collar and pulled her face up to his. "Say that again and you'll regret it," he challenged. Kel smiled sweetly. "Only a man would be your lover Joren," she said.  
  
He went to punch her in the face. Kel ducked out the way and dodged behind him, elbowing him in the gut in the process. Joren whirled and managed to grab her arm. He threw Kel over his hip. She landed on her back, winded. Joren pinned her to the ground. Kel grabbed at his throat and he fell sideways. Kel rolled away. Both standing again, Joren charged at her and rammed her into the pine tree behind her. "I warned you Mindelan," he snarled, leaning forward. Kel raised her head to meet his. "And?" she asked, arching her eyebrows.  
  
Kel felt the warmth of Jorens breath on her cheek. Skin brushed skin and their lips met in a passionate embrace. Kels hands slid into Jorens loose mass of blonde hair and stayed there. One of Jorens arms moved around her waist while the other roamed up and down her back, sending shivers down her spine. Kel gasped and Jorens tongue slid into her mouth. She didn't argue. This was nothing like what had happened between her and Cleon earlier that night. Jorens kiss made her heart beat faster and spread a fire through her body. She burned everywhere they touched. From the way he acted, Joren felt the same passion, the same fire pulsing through his veins.  
  
The pair finally disentangled themselves from each other. Both backed away, their wide eyes transfixed on the others pale face. They turned and ran in opposite directions.  
  
Kel didn't stop until she reached her tent. Entering quietly she flopped on her bedroll and groaned. Great she thought, Now how am I going to sleep?!.  
  
A/N: Ok, that took longer to do than I thought it would. What do you people think? Does anyone but me like this pairing? Please review. Speaking of reviewing, thanks to all those who did! I love you!  
  
NiceDay- Yuki's not Kels closest friend, just the only one she feels she can talk to about Joren 'cos none of the boys like him.  
  
Vane- Kel's only 16. She's still a squire. Yes, they take the Ordeal at 18. It was a hint to who the person could be.  
  
Well done Lady Sndrilene and Squire Kali, the only two to point out it couldn't be anyone in Kels year. Congrats. *Claps* 


	3. Falling Fast

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in forever, but I had a little problem. I wrote the third chapter only to realise I'd written the fifth chapter. So I had to start again. But this chappie is long. For me anyway. It's longer than I originally intended. I'm also supposed to be updating my other story soon. I'm working on it! Thanks to reviewers are at the bottom.  
  
Disclaimer: I - Don't - Own - Tortall - Or - It's - People!  
  
The problem with camping, Kel mused silently to herself, a heavy wooden bucket held tightly in each hand, Is that you have to fetch your own water. Her encounter with Joren two days ago was still on her mind, but the more she immersed herself in her duties, the less she thought about it. That was why she was now headed towards the well, where the people residing in tents got their water from, at lunchtime, when normal men and woman were eating, as Kel should have been. Kel knew that just a moments rest would have her imagining Jorens soft lips on her own.  
  
She had only thought of Cleon three times in the past days, and that was only when she was avoiding being alone with him. Instead her mind was occupied by other thoughts. It wasn't good for Kel to run away from her problems like this, but she needed to sort out her own her own feelings before confronting and hurting anyone.  
  
Kel entered the small ring of trees - placed there by mages so travellers could find it easily - that shielded the well from view, and gratefully set the buckets down. The squire sighed and began to tie the first bucket to the rope on the well. She was about to lower it why she heard footsteps coming up behind her. Kel turned and hid a grimace as the blonde man she'd hoped never o see again came into her sight. Their yes bore into each other for a brief moment before Joren lowered his gaze Kel frowned. Was that a blush she could see? A faint pink had appeared on her fellow squires cheeks. It was hardly noticeable, but it was there. Then it was gone and the trademark scowl of Jorens came onto his face, making Kel wonder if she'd imagined it. He looked up and glared at her, but there was not such force of hatred behind it as before. Kel again had to resist the urge to roll her eyes at Jorens behaviour.  
  
The growing squire turned and began to lower the bucket into the well as Joren stalked to the other side of it. A few moments later she felt eyes boring into her and looked up. Joren stared at her with an intensity that sent shivers down her spine. She squirmed slightly under his gaze and returned to her task of pulling the bucket out the well. Kel glanced up at him again and noticed his sudden frown and the distant look in his eyes. He appeared to be battling within himself.  
  
Kel was unsure how long she gazed curiously at the blonde squire before she shook her head. Snap ^out^ of it Keladry! What's got into you? she scolded herself and put the full bucket on the floor, her arms aching from the prolonged time they had been forced to hold such a heavy object.  
  
She took her time tying the rope to the second bucket. Kel was puzzled. Her emotions were running mad. She wanted to get o know Joren. She wanted o know his past, his problems and his future. She wanted desperately to know the feel of his skin beneath her palms, wanted to know the feel of his lips pressed against hers. She wanted to know all the contours of his body and she wanted him to know hers.  
  
What are you thinking! her logical side screamed at her, This is the man who made your life a living hell!. But all the rest of her could think about was that kiss and the way she had fit snugly into Joren's arms as if she belonged.  
  
Kel's mind was still occupied with these thoughts when she put her hand on the handle of the lowering system. She felt another hand placed on top of hers and looked up in surprise. Joren smiled slightly at her and Kel withdrew her hand. She eyed him suspiciously, doubting what seemed to be good intensions. His inner battle had apparently been won.  
  
"Relax," he told her as he began to lower the bucket into the well, "I don't bite." Kel heard him mutter something under his breath that sounded distinctly like 'unless you want me to'. Kel glared at him. "What was that?" she demanded. Joren looked at her innocently. Just the idea of Joren being innocent nearly made Kel laugh. "I didn't say anything."  
  
The pair worked together to fill Jorens buckets, making polite conversation as they worked. With two working at the job it was soon finished and four full buckets sat on the ground. Fore the first time in her life Kel gave Joren a real smile, one that did reach her eyes. "Thanks," she said.  
  
"What for?" he asked.  
  
"Just - Thanks," Kel responded, mentally kicking herself for sounding so pathetic. She bent down to pick up her buckets and promptly hit her head against Jorens, who had also leant over at that precise moment. He had a surprisingly hard head.  
  
Kel brought herself upright, slightly dazed, to be greeted by what looked like a concerned Joren, but Kel couldn't be sure. She had never seen him concerned about anything. "Looks like it's going to bruise," he told her and smiled wryly. "Mother always said I had a hard head."  
  
"She wasn't kidding," Kel grumbled, rubbing the offended area. Fingers beneath her chin lifted her head and made her look at him. The look in his eyes made Kel glad the trees hid them from view.  
  
Jorens lips brushed hers so softly Kel went weak at the knees. Her heart was pounding in her chest, beating twice as fast as normal. His arms encircled her waist as Kels hands went around his neck. She melted in his embrace. If it wasn't for his arms holding her tightly, Kel knew she would have fallen to the floor a while ago. Joren seemed to sense her weakness and sat her on the stone wall that circled the well. His hands travelled to her hips and he pulled away slightly. Kel trembled as Joren planted feather light kisses down her neck. Her hands moved to his well toned torso, feeling the muscles beneath his shirt. Kel gasped as Joren began to caress her throat and a moan of pleasure escaped her lips before she could stop it. She felt Joren smile against her. His hands slid over her breasts and Kel had to bite her lip to keep from yelling in delight. A muffled groan came out dispite all her efforts. Joren grinned at her, pressed his lips to hers once more and left, carrying his buckets.  
  
Kel sat on the edge of the well, shaking, her cheeks flushed, fingers pressed to her partially swollen lips. It took quite some time for Kel to compose herself and leave the well, the feel of Joren freshly imprinted on her mind.  
  
***************  
  
Kel left the buckets in her Knight masters tent, contemplating her situation. She desperately needed to talk to someone. She couldn't talk to Neal. He'd be no help and get all 'I can't believe you did that'. He'd give himself a heart attack. Cleon was definitely out of the question. She considered talking to Raoul, but the thought of how embarrassing that would be put her off. Yuki she thought suddenly. The girl, although knowing of Joren's past, did not know him personally and would accept Kel's right to choose. She ^definitely^ had no love interest in her, Kel could trust her to keep quiet and not judge her. Yes Kel thought, Yukimi.  
  
***************  
  
Kel knelt on the floor of her Yamani friend's tent, sipping green tea. She had just finished explaining her predicament to Yuki and was waiting for a reaction. Kel tried not to squirm. She felt as if she was on trial.  
  
After a few minutes of quiet contemplation the older girl asked, "How do you feel about Cleon?" Keladry sighed.  
  
"I like him as no more than a friend. I just don't know how to tell ^him^ that." She blushed slightly. "I've been avoiding him." Yuki dipped her head in the smallest of nods.  
  
"And Joren?" she queried. Kel shifted uncomfortably and her eyebrows knitted together for a moment.  
  
"I thought I hated him," she whispered almost inaudiably, "I really did." Her voice became frustrated. "Now I don't know ^what^ I feel. Kel paused. Speaking softly again she finished, "I just know it isn't hatred." Yukimi nodded again, taking in the confusion of her friend.  
  
"Ai sakidasu dounika hen anaba," she said, "Even hatred cannot stop it" Kel looked at her.  
  
"It's not ^that^," the squire argued before meeting the Yamani's eyes, "Is it?" Yuki didn't reply. Keladry blinked and shook her head, as if she was trying to shake away even the thought of it. Looking at Yukimi again she asked sadly, "Cleon?" Yuki's gaze seemed to bore a hole in Kel's eyes.  
  
"You'll have to confront him soon Kel. Just follow your heart."  
  
***************  
  
Kel walked back to her own tent, Yukimi's words reverberating in her head. The Yamani was right. Something was happening between Kel and Joren and they were helpless to stop it. She had to follow her heart, even if it meant hurting others in the process. Even if it means loving the man you hate Kel mused before scrapping the idea of anything even resembling love between herself and Joren. The squire quietly entered her tent.  
  
"Kel?"  
  
The voice sent shockwaves of horror richoting through her body. She looked up, greatly resembling a startled deer. She knew she'd have to talk to him soon, but ^this^ soon? The gods must hate me she thought, before the Yamani mask that crumbled so easily when she was with Joren slid comfortably into place.  
  
"Cleon," she said inwardly wincing at the formality of her voice. The redhead frowned and stood, leaving the patch of warmth his body had created on Kel's bedroll. He'd been there for about an hour.  
  
"You didn't come to lunch," he stated. Kel shut her eyes and clenched her teeth, trying in vain to crush the cowardliness she felt. Gradually, she opened her eyes and stared at the ground.  
  
"I've had a lot on my mind, is all," she muttered.  
  
"Like?" He probed gently. This isn't fair Kel thought I need to tell him how I feel. Kel forced her eyes upwards to link with her friend's gaze. If she was going to do this, she owed it to him to be respectful.  
  
"Cleon, I," Kel began, but she never got to finish, for it was at that precise moment that Neal chose to charge into her tent. A wave of guilty relief washed over her.  
  
"And just where have you been?" her best friend demanded loftily. A faint pink touched her cheeks.  
  
"No where?" Kel asked hopefully. She had always been terrible at lying to her friends, due to a bad case of idealism. Neal glared at her down his nose, waiting for a more appropriate answer. It was then that the third presence in the tent caught his attention. He grinned.  
  
"Ah," he said and wiggled his eyebrows, "Maybe I should leave you two alone." Neal moved to leave the tent.  
  
"No!" Kel said rather hurriedly, earning quizzical stares from both men. Being left with Cleon meant confronting him, and she couldn't cope with that just yet. Kel hurried to explain, " I mean, it's perfectly alright. I was just about to go out myself." Her friends still looked suspicious. "You know," she continued, "To the mess tent. It is nearly dinner and I haven't eaten since breakfast. Would you to care to join me?" Kel looked at them both, hoping they'd bought her rushed explanation. Cleon readily agreed.  
  
As they were leaving Neal raised an eyebrow at her. Kel gave him a look that clearly said, 'Not now'. Neal frowned. There was something she wasn't telling him, and he swore he'd find out what.  
  
***************  
  
Kel gave a contented sigh as she sat down amongst her friends, trays of food in front of them. Merric made some comment to Neal and his eyes misted over. "Ah," he said and Kel rolled her eyes. She had known him to long not to know what that meant. "The lady Yukimi. She is more beautiful than the sunrise," Kel allowed her attention to wander for the first time in days, letting Neal have his fun. For now.  
  
She glanced at Cleon, who sat beside her, laughing at the melodramatic squires antics. A frown tugged at her eyebrows. I'm pathetic. she told herself There's no other explanation. I'm a cowardly, pathetic, excuse of a girl, who can't even tell someone how she feels. I'm a stupid, idiotic, The sound of Yamani words hit her ears, cutting off her train of thought. Kel grabbed her roll and whacked Neal around the head with it.  
  
He looked at her indignantly. Kel grinned. "I thought I told you. No poetry to Yuki's eyebrows."  
  
"But I looked up Yamani poetry!" he cried. Owen hit him with a roll. "What was that for?!" He cried again. Owen shrugged.  
  
"Looked Jolly."  
  
"I don't care," Kel told him laughing, "Eat your vegetables." The rest of the meal went by reasonably quietly and Kel forgot about Joren. The friends arranged to meet later at Kel's tent for a walk.  
  
Kel was halfway towards the exit when she felt someone brush against her and her heart began to race. She looked up into Joren's blue eyes and almost melted. Identical blushes appeared on their faces, before Joren muttered an apology at walked away as fast as he could. The exchange had only lasted a few seconds, but to Kel it felt like hours. She turned back to her friends and hoped no one had noticed. She thought she had got away with it when she saw the funny look Neal was giving her. Kel brushed it off and caught up with the rest off the squires.  
  
***************  
  
The second year Squire sighed. She was sitting beside a small brook that ran through Fief Sinthya, her feet dipped in the cool water. She had come here after returning from the walk with her friends, when, once again, she had carefully avoided Cleon. The stars were shining brightly, in the Goddesses constellation, with the Cat at her feet. The night air was warm and plesant to sit in. A person came and sat next to her. Kel turned to her left slightly to see who it was, although she already knew.  
  
Joren gazed at the moon for a while. Kel turned her attention back to the water. They sat in a comfortable silence, that would have been unimaginable between them a few months ago. They left each other to their own private musings.  
  
She was still unsure of Joren. It was a case of following her heart or her head. Her head screamed at her for even letting him sit there. It told her not to let him near her. It said he'd never change. But her heart longed for him. It begged her to let him touch her, to hold her. It needed him.  
  
Kel picked at the grass and sighed. It was difficult to choose. She knew if she followed her heart, she was letting her defences down, putting herself in a position where he could hurt her more than ever before. If he chose to. Kel also knew that if she followed her head, she would regret never giving Joren a chance. She would wonder about it for the rest of her life. And life was all about taking risks.  
  
She looked at the stars again, pulling her feet out the water. A deep voice spoke. "It's beautiful isn't it." Kel nodded mutely. She turned to face him. Joren kissed her softly, and briefly, pulling her close. A lovers kiss.  
  
Kel sighed and rested her head against his shoulder. Joren smiled. He pointed at a bright star that illuminated the velvet blackness that was the night sky. "That's the pole star," he said. Kel smiled. Who would've thought Joren knew anything of astronomy Kel thought. She sat there, her head on his shoulder and his arm around her own shoulders, contented just to listen to him talk.  
  
That night Kel's heart overruled her head.  
  
A/N: Translation for Yuki's saying: Love blooms in strange places. Or it's supposed to say that¸ but you can never tell with internet dictionary's. Thank you for your patience. I may not be updating for a while as my SATS are coming up, and my teachers are pressuring us beyond belief. But it is the Holidays in two weeks, so I'll waste all my revision time. Please review and let me know what you think! Next chappie is Joren's point of view of the events in this one. I didn't mean for them to fall in love so fast. It just happened!  
  
Reviewers  
  
Christine: I'm glad you liked it. (  
  
Lady Sandrilene: Thanks for reviewing again! Hope you liked your more.  
  
Sweetalicious: Thanks!  
  
Lady Me: Don't worry. This is K/J. But if it did change, I can assure you it would DEFINITELY be Dom. He comes in later. I can't leave him out can I?  
  
Em: Thanx! I don't think you're gonna need that refund. ( This fic would never turn K/C.  
  
Kitty: Thanks! I'm happy you want more.  
  
Keita: Thanks! I'll use that bit of advice. I knew I'd caught K/J fever from somewhere! (  
  
Madi: I know, but it's fun writing it. And reading it. It's a large obsession I have at the moment. (  
  
Sorry if I've misspelt anyone's name or missed their review. Thanks! 


	4. Falling Hard

A/N: I'm so sorry I haven't updated in forever. Everything's been hectic with school and exams. I have been working on this chapter for a long time, doing little bits whenever I got the chance. Just two things.  
  
1. In the last chapter it says 'That night Kel's heart overruled her head.' That only means Kel is going to follow her heart, not her head, and give Joren a chance to prove himself.  
  
2. JOREN IS NOT DEAD!!! The story is set BEFORE he enters the chamber!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I only own the plot, not the characters, Tortall, etc etc.  
  
Thanks to Reviewers:  
  
Mirette: Thanks. I'm glad you like it.  
  
Risika: I am not done yet. I just have a problem with updates. Thanks for the compliment.  
  
Imperfectionist: Sorry I confused you!  
  
SunshineX: This story is set before Joren enters the chamber of the Ordeal. Kel is reflecting on their relationship as she waits for him to leave. He's not dead. If you are reading this at school you might want to be quick with the part after it says 'the land of nod'.  
  
Larzdinn: Joren is explained in this chapter. I knew people had to understand why he feels like he does when Tammy makes it clear how much he hates Kel, so this chapter is the events of the last in Joren point of view with his thoughts.  
  
Keita: Thanks!!!  
  
Silent Storms: I also like Cleon. Me and my friend did write a K/C fic. I just don't think he's right for her. He was at the time, but only short term. Kel wouldn't have been happy married to him. He probably will get hurt, but it's nothing too bad.  
  
Angel of Flames: Thanks. If you're looking for K/J, have you read the It Could Be Worse (ICBW) seasons by Sulia Serafine? Or Aether Winds? If not I strongly recommend them.  
  
XX?: Joren wouldn't hurt Kel. Not in my fic at least.  
  
Angel of Wind: Thanks. The saying is explained above. You'll know if anything happens. I'm not going to say it in a line like Tammy does.  
  
Lady Me: I hope you still have some patience left after the long wait. Sorry! I'm really going to try and update quickly now. I have the next few chapters planned out. I just need to write them. Dom will be making an appearance shortly!  
  
Merelena04: The trial has already happened. The story is set between the night Cleon kisses Kel for the second time (A few months after Joren's trial) and when he enters the chamber.  
  
Peachblossomluver: Thanks. The next part shouldn't be too long.  
  
Anastazia Silverwind: The nice secluded field comes later. I have just as a perverted mind as you. I'm not just going to write a line for their first time. ;) Cleon is in Joren' year. He enters the chamber a few days before Joren, as does Vinson.  
  
Zella: Sorry I took so long!  
  
Sorry if I spelt any names wrong!!! On with the story!!!  
  
Falling Hard - Joren's POV  
  
Joren was dancing. The tune was a slow, peaceful one and before him was a beautiful Lady. Her hair was long, the colour of the sand and her eyes held the same shade as the Emerald Ocean. She was slim and shorter than him. A light blue gown swung around her hips as she moved. Just his type.  
  
The song ended and she curtsied to him, a smile on her perfectly formed lips. Joren bowed. When he looked up she was gone, another lady in her place. All thoughts of the previous girl vanished from his mind and he felt himself grin.  
  
Joren brought the new woman's calloused and scarred hand slowly to his lips, his blue eyes never leaving her hazel ones. "My Lady," he murmured. A light chuckle escaped the girl as she smiled at him. The Lady's Russet dress hung from her shoulders and clung to her curves, flattering her in a way no other dress could. Joren stood and pulled the girl closer than was necessary as a new song began.  
  
This girl was as tall as he was, and for some reason he liked it. She wasn't as slim as he normally went for either. Nor was she a beauty. But he felt some strange attraction to her, something he couldn't explain. The girl rested her head in the crook of his neck, her short brown hair tickling his chin. He could feel her breathing against him, the feeling reinforced by his hand on her waist.  
  
They danced slowly, moving to their own song. The other couples disappeared leaving only Joren and the girl dancing in the candlelight. The shadows seemed to part for them, the only light shimmering around the dancing couple, making them glow.  
  
She pulled away slightly, and looked into his eyes. Joren's pulse increased as she leant forward and brushed her lips against his. He felt a burning sensation run through his veins. It hurt in a good way, leaving him breathless with a feeling he couldn't describe. She brought her gaze back to his shining eyes. "I love you Joren," she whispered. Joren smiled again, finding his breath briefly. "I love you too, Keladry."  
  
***************  
  
Joren groaned as he woke up and shoved his head under his pillow. He had been having dreams like that since he saw Kel at his trial. It was infuriating to say the least.  
  
At first he had dismissed them, saying he felt nothing for the lump. Then he had begun arguing with himself. It was an ongoing battle that neither part of him seemed able to win.  
  
Until two days ago.  
  
That was when he had kissed her. He was shocked with his own boldness, and that she hadn't broken his nose for the privilege. As much as he hated to admit it, the girl was stronger than him.  
  
It was that night the half of him saying he didn't care had begun to slowly lose the fight. The war was not over but the ice inside of him had begun to thaw, creating streams of feeling and emotion through his cold body.  
  
Joren growled into his bed. He, to put it lightly, was not pleased with his emotions. At all. They had betrayed him in the worst possible way. It had to be some sort of punishment from the Gods. Joren promised himself that he would get revenge on Gainel, the dream king.  
  
'Why?' questioned the annoying (in Joren's opinion) side of him. 'He's only forcing you to see what you're too scared to.'  
  
Joren yelled in frustration, throwing his pillow at the first thing he saw. Which happened to be his Knight master who had just entered Joren's tent. Joren's eyes went slightly larger than they normally were. he groaned inwardly at his other side. All he got in response was inane giggling and Paxton's raised eyebrow.  
  
***************  
  
Joren growled fiercely as his stomach grumbled. He glared at anyone who dared to look at him, anger rolling off him in waves, causing the few people around to hurry out of his way.  
  
Joren was hungry. He had spent the morning jousting with Paxton and doing his 'squirely duties', as he called them. He had worked his appetite up and was looking forward, desperately to lunch.  
  
Unlike Kel, who had worked to keep her mind off things, Joren had worked because of the need to and defiantly ignored his thoughts. That was his way of escaping the unnecessary contemplative part of his brain.  
  
Anyway, this was not the cause of his foul mood and neither, strangely enough, was the dream. Oh no, Joren was pissed off because he was hungry and couldn't eat. Not literally, he was perfectly capable of eating, but because Paxton was out of water and had so kindly 'asked' Joren to fetch him some.  
  
So here he was, walking angrily towards the well, glaring at anything that moved, whether it was human, animal or just the wind. The ring of trees came into view and he smiled grimly. Soon he would be able to eat.  
  
Joren stopped just outside the circle. He thought he could hear someone else in the clearing, sighing. Cautiously he walked through a gap in the leaves. Joren's breath caught in his throat. The slight wind ruffled through her hair as she turned. A light dizzy feeling took over him as he stared into her hazel eyes. Only one thing managed to enter his head at that moment. .  
  
Joren quickly looked at the ground, flushing slightly, as thoughts of the last time they met swam round his confused mind. He scowled.   
  
The squire looked up and glared at Kel. He hated how she could have so much power over him and not even know it. Joren walked quickly to the opposite side of the well, trying to retain as much dignity as possible.  
  
'Look at her. You know you want to.'  
  
Joren groaned inwardly. It was THAT part of him again. However, he complied. Again a dizzy feeling overtook him, butterflies appearing in his stomach. Kel looked up, and the sensation intensified. Joren was becoming breathless as she shifted uncomfortably under his intense gaze. Just as he thought he would collapse, she looked down again, releasing Joren from her spell. He frowned.  
  
His other side chuckled.  
  
'I am you. You did it to yourself.'  
  
he growled irritably. He used to like the other half of himself. They'd got along so well.  
  
'Not until you admit you like Keladry.'  
  
His former friend mock sighed.  
  
'Then I shall never go away. What a shame'  
  
'Just admit it,' Retorted his other half, 'You like her. You know you do. Just say the words and I'll be on my way. You. Like. Her.'  
  
I he yelled furiously at himself. He could tell his second mind was grinning in triumph.  
  
'I never said love.'  
  
Joren felt a large chunk of his glacier shift and melt, leaving only a thin layer of ice to protect to his heart. Before he knew what he was doing, he had walked over to Kel and placed his hand on top of hers. He had to bite his lip to keep from gasping at the sparks that shot up his arm with just that little contact.  
  
The squire looked up to see surprise on the younger woman's face. He smiled slightly even though he felt disappointed when she moved her hand away, looking at him suspiciously. In the circumstances, it was the best reaction he could have hoped for.  
  
"Relax," he told her, as he began to lower the bucket into the well, "I don't bite." Turning away slightly, he whispered to himself, "Unless you want me to." Joren felt shocked at his own words. Since when had he flirted with Kel, even if she didn't hear him?  
  
"What was that?" He heard Kel demand. Apparently she had heard. His head snapped up, looking at her with wide-eyed innocence. Joren chose the quick way out, the one with less explanations or fights. "I didn't say anything."  
  
Joren saw a change in her demeanour, almost as if she was inwardly laughing at him. "Sure," she said sarcastically. Joren's eyes got wider and he called out in indignation, "Hey!" It seemed that Kel found something about this immensely funny, as she began to laugh. The sound was like music to Joren's ears.  
  
When Kel had calmed, they started to fill the buckets, talking as they did. Joren was determined to show her that he was not as bad as he appeared to be. He listened to her talk of her family and friends, speaking in return, of his own.  
  
The task was soon done, for, as they say, two heads are better than one. Kel smiled at him. Joren felt his heart skip a beat. That was when he realised the smile reached her eyes. "Thanks," said Kel. Joren had to shake himself so he could reply.  
  
"What for?" He questioned.  
  
"Just - Thanks," She said, for a lack of anything better, it seemed. Joren nodded his response, thinking how cute she looked right then. Without thinking he bent down to pick up his buckets. He was caught off guard when something hit his head. He brought himself upright to see Kel looking dazed. Instantly he felt worried. Had he hurt her?  
  
Joren gently removed Kel's hand from her forehead. She looked at him, slightly startled. The older squire carefully brushed his thumb over the slight discolouration. He inwardly winced. It must have been a hard hit for it to be bruising already.  
  
"Looks like it's going to bruise," he told her quietly before smiling apologetically. "Mother always said I had a hard head." Kel scrunched her nose up, in what Joren deemed to be the most adorable way he had ever seen.  
  
"She wasn't kidding," he heard Kel drawl, but all his mind could think of was kissing her. He heard her breath hitch and knew she could tell what he was thinking.  
  
Not one to disappoint, Joren leaned forward and lightly brushed his lips over hers. Her closeness was driving him mad. He needed her nearer. The squire wrapped his arms around Kel's waist, and felt hands entangling themselves in long silvery hair. Joren felt a rush of happiness. She was definitely attracted to him. Joren could feel Kel shaking from the rush of emotions and hormones. He walked her back and sat her on the stonewall of the well to keep her from falling. It was evident she had never done anything like this before.  
  
Joren moved his hands down to her hips and pulled away slightly. He looked at her. Kel's face was flushed; her lips parted slightly, breath coming in short sharp gasps. Her eyes were filled desire and lust. Joren again leaned forward and began kissing her neck tenderly. He shivered a little as Kel's hands began to feel his chest. Joren nipped the skin of her throat lightly then sucked, his tongue running over the swollen flesh, enjoying her taste. Joren heard Kel groan at his ministrations and smiled. It was good to know he had some power over her. The noise made Joren curious, and he decided to tease her some more. He slid his hands up her sides until they came to rest on her breasts and rubbed gently. He felt her try to suppress a moan, but it came out anyway. Joren pulled away again and grinned at her. His hands continued their upward journey and stopped and the back of her neck. Joren pressed his mouth to Kel's one last time. He removed himself from her, picked up his buckets and left, leaving behind an incredibly dazed girl. Gods he was Good.  
  
***************  
  
Back in his tent Joren put down his buckets by the entrance to his Knight master's tent. He was grinning like a lunatic. That, and the bounce in his walk had caused more than just a few people to glance at him curiously. It appeared the Stone Mountain squire had drastic mood swings. But they didn't know what Joren did.  
  
Just the thought of the looks he had got caused Joren to chuckle. His life was good. After the well episode, Joren decided he could no longer deny hat he felt strongly towards the lady squire, and those feeling were most definitely not hate.  
  
Joren lay down on his makeshift bed and shut his eyes as he waited for Paxton to return. His last thoughts were of Kel as he drifted into the land of nod.  
  
***************  
  
Joren was walking through the copse near the tents of the Progress. He sighed and kicked at a stone on the ground. He was waiting for something. What, exactly, he wasn't sure.  
  
"Joren!" The squire stood and turned as he felt excitement rush though his veins. Kel came running up to him, panting slightly. "Sorry," she said hurriedly, "I got a little caught up. Raoul wanted me to." Kel continued to babble her excuse as Joren took in her appearance.  
  
She was dressed in a russet dress that Joren thought he had seen before, but couldn't place it. Her hair had grown just past her shoulders and was braided loosely. At the bottom of the braid, tucked into the russet tie was a poppy. ".And then Neal wanted." He heard her continue.  
  
"Kel?" he said effectively cutting her off.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"You talk too much," he murmured, pulling her close and kissing her. When they broke apart Joren grinned at his lovers expression. He took her hand and led her back towards his tent.  
  
They entered kissing, pulling at bothersome garments that kept them from each other. Joren moaned as Kel ran her fingers over his thigh before tugging off his breeches. He moaned again as she pressed herself against him. He felt warmth at his groin. Joren pushed Kel back onto his bed, reaching to undo her breast band. The girl whimpered at his touch as the cool air hit her bare chest. Joren began to kiss his way down her body, revelling in the tiny noises she made, and responding to them with groans of his own. Kel gasped sharply as her loincloth was removed. Joren was suddenly pushed onto his back. Kel grinned at him and began to lick and nip at his torso, slowly working down. She removed his loincloth and took his erection in her hands. He groaned loudly.  
  
Joren felt himself being shaken awake. He looked up to see Paxton standing over him, a smirk on his face, amusement twinkling in his eyes. "Good dream?" he asked.  
  
***************  
  
Joren made his way to the mess tent. He was starving and thoroughly embarrassed. Paxton wouldn't let him live this one down for a long time.  
  
His thoughts elsewhere, Joren entered the mess tent. He accidentally brushed against someone. Looking up to sneer at the person, Joren came face to face with Her. Remembering his earlier dream, he blushed lightly. He shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. Quickly mumbling an apology, he hurried away.  
  
Joren watched her leave with her friends as he sat down on his own. Vinson and Garvey were riding ahead. He began to eat when someone seated his self opposite him. Joren looked up into the face of Zahir. The pair had lost most of the closeness in their friendship during their page years, but they still talked every so often, and trusted each other more than any other.  
  
"What's up?" the Bazhir asked. Joren sighed. He supposed he could tell the other boy. After all, Zahir was impassive towards The Girl and evidently knew him well enough to detect his feelings.  
  
"Her," he replied. Zahir merely raised his eyebrow.  
  
"Her who?" Joren sighed again.  
  
"Her. The Girl. Mindelan. Keladry." Joren looked up and glared at his friend. " Her." Zahir gave him a calculating look, wondering. Joren had just called her by her first name. He was even getting flustered. he thought. Instead of voicing his musings, Zahir began to shred his bread, his elbows resting comfortably on the table, a thoughtful look upon his face.  
  
"What about her?" Asked Zahir, choosing to get answers before asking. The last four years with the King of Tortall hadn't taught him nothing. Joren rubbed his eyes tiredly. After all, he had only woken half an hour ago.  
  
"I can't get her out of my head," he confessed, "Dreams, thoughts, her voice, constantly plaguing me. It's better when I'm near her but they only leave when I kiss her." Joren poked his food around his plate, this action causing more worry to the Bazhir, than anything Joren had said.  
  
Then the true meaning of Joren's last words hit home. "You've ^kissed^ her?!" he blurted. Despite his mood, Joren couldn't help but smirk faintly at Zahir's loss of his usual calm composure.  
  
"Yes, Zahir. I've kissed her."  
  
"And she didn't maim you?" Zahir asked incredulously .  
  
"No," Joren's smirk became more evident, "She moaned."  
  
"But.Kel.moan.wha'?"  
  
"Very eloquent, Zahir," drawled Joren. The Bazhir scowled at him as Joren chuckled lightly. Zahir rolled his eyes and his face became expressionless once more.  
  
"So you have something of an obsession with the Lady Squire, and she is at least attracted to you." Joren nodded slowly, now unsure of the conversation and of Zahir. His perceptiveness had increased dramatically since they last spoke. "Then we find out her true feelings on the matter and hope for the best." A plan was already forming in the Bazhir's mind.  
  
"And how do you propose we do that?" Joren asked, true to his form. Zahir just smiled and tapped his nose with a finger.  
  
"I have my ways." Joren glowered as his friend stood. "You're lucky it was me here, not Vinson or Garvey," Zahir told him, "They'd have killed you."  
  
Joren looked down at his plate. He had never considered his friends reactions to his feelings. Suddenly he didn't feel so hungry anymore.  
  
***************  
  
Zahir walked cautiously up to the tent, listening to tell if anyone other than the occupant was in. When he was sure he tapped the canvas lightly. A light voice called out.  
  
"Come in Zahir. I've been expecting you."  
  
The Bazhir smiled to himself. Keladry had obviously already been. He entered and bowed slightly. The woman rolled her eyes.  
  
"When was she here?" Zahir asked his friend. Being the King's squire meant you had connections.  
  
Yukimi sighed. "About an hour ago," she said, "What does squire Joren make of this?" Zahir looked at her.  
  
"He doesn't. He's confused, but is beginning to realise he's in love. What about Kel?"  
  
"Kel is afraid but has accepted her feelings."  
  
"She returns the favour then?" Yuki bowed her head, a smile dancing on her lips. Zahir grinned.  
  
"I have a feeling Joren might mess this up," The Bazhir told his friend. "What say we do some intervening?"  
  
**************  
  
Joren sighed as he stretched languidly waking from another catnap. The sunlight was fading rapidly, giving way to a warm and peaceful night. He had always liked the night, the ways that even through the dark, light could still be seen. It was calmer in the hours of the night, an escape from the manic rush of day, when most slept, unaware of the beauty they were missing, passing them by.  
  
The squire stood from his bed, deciding to take a walk. Joren did this most nights, staying up late and watching dawn rise as darkness gave way to light. His nocturnal habits led him to sleep during the day. Needing only six ours of rest, this didn't caude much trouble.  
  
Joren made his way to a brook he had seen before. It was a long way from his tent, taking him over an hour to reach. Somehow he knew that another would be there, and he wanted to be with them.  
  
As he neared the water a girl turned to look at him, the moonlight glinting off his pale hair, making it seem silver, his ice blue eyes and albaster skin standing out from the darkness, giving him an ethereal appearance.  
  
Joren at next to Kel and gazed at the moon. The silence between them was a comfortable one and he boy began to wonder how he had ever come to feel this way towards a woman he thought he hated.  
  
The dreams had begun about two weeks after his trial. They started off simple enough, forcing Joren to admit his respect an admiration for her. The way she had stood up for her idealistic beliefs, to no less than the King, was amazing.  
  
These dreams he could put up with. So she was more than a Lump. What did he care? Then Joren began professing his love for Kel. That was harder to stand. He began to dread the night. Night meant sleep, and sleep meant dreams. The dreams became more vivid and intimate. It had been too much for Joren and he gave up on sleeping for a short time, until he realised, this only caused him to see these things during waking hours.  
  
It was around two months ago when Joren began to look forward to sleep. The dreams had been the only way to gain an unattainable woman. Not that he had seen it like that at the time. Four weeks ago, the squire had admitted to himself that he was physically and mentally attracted to Kel. This had brought the other side of him out, the part that had always wanted love, not just a fuck buddy.  
  
The battle within himself had caused Joren to sleep around a bit. That method had failed and the dreams took up a new intensity. Cold baths were now a morning routine.  
  
But now, Joren was sitting beside Kel, the side of him wanting love had won out. The only question now was, would she accept him?  
  
The quiet sound of rippling water pulled Joren from his musings. Kel had removed her feet from the water. He spoke.  
  
"It's beautiful isn't it," he stated softly, bringing his eyes from the moon to Kel. She nodded silently before looking at him. Joren looked into her eyes before kissing her tenderly, pouring his soul into it, bringing her closer to him. They broke away and Kel sighed gently, hr eyes dreamy, as if she had been waiting for a kiss like that , before resting her head on his shoulder.  
  
Joren smiled as his arm snaked around her shoulders. Yes, he would accept him. He pointed to a bright star, it light radiating, making the others seem dim. "That's the Pole Star," he said serenely and began to tell her some things he knew about astrology. He surprised her with the story behind The Cat constellation.  
  
The pair talked all night, learning more about each other in six hours than they had in six years. They both knew when they parted at dawn, with a promise to meet again the next night, that they had just begun something as beautiful as the night sky.  
  
. A/N: Zahir isn't mentioned much in later books, so I'm creating his personality myself. Next chapter we return to Kel, as his fic is centred on her. I just needed people to understand how and why Joren was acting that way. 


	5. Confrontations

A/N: I apologise for the delay in updating. I had most of his written ages ago, but then school started again along with homework. Actually, I should be doing some coursework at the moment. I hope it won't take too long for the next chapter, as I have a day off school on Tuesday. Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I really wasn't expecting so many!!!  
  
Reviewer Notes and Thanks:  
  
Daine  
  
DaughterofDeath  
  
Alexandra Rhodes  
  
Larzdinn  
  
Zella  
  
Angel of Wind  
  
Star19  
  
The Gypsy  
  
Caitie  
  
Lady marion  
  
Lemon Parade  
  
Dracorium  
  
Vlora  
  
Alexina  
  
Wildchartermage  
  
Person who wrote no name  
  
Little miss crazy  
  
PsychoLioness13  
  
Pinky  
  
***************  
  
Keladry sighed wearily as she made her way back to the tent she shared with Lord Raoul. The shadows around her dispersed as the sun rose in the east. However, Kel could not rid herself of the goofy smile that had been plastered onto her face since she and Joren parted ways. That was over half an hour ago. It had taken the lady squire sometime before she could begin the short walk to her tent. Kel pushed away the coarse fabric and entered her section of the tent, yawning widely as another wave of tiredness hit her.  
  
She looked at her bed, blinked twice, then rubbed her eyes to make sure that she was not mistaken. By the shadowy light that had managed to force it's way through the canvas Keladry could clearly see a pair of dark eyes watching her from a mass of blackness in the vague form of her Knight master.  
  
Kel sighed wearily and reached for a candle. Quickly lighting it from the torch still burning outside the tent, she returned and was able to see Raouls expression clearly, the darkness of pre-dawn no longer blinding her. Seating herself on the floor opposite her bed, Kel groaned mentally. She was far too tiered to have this conversation with him again. The first one was embarrassing enough.  
  
The girl looked up to see an eyebrow raised in silent questioning. Kel took a deep breath before answering, her own words barely registering through her fatigue.  
  
"I was with Joren."  
  
The second eyebrow rose to meet the other. He gave her a pointed looked that was confused, but at the same time demanding her to explain herself. Realising the implications of her words Kel flushed.  
  
"Not like that," she blurted, "Well, like that, but not like that. We were talking." She paused in her rushed explanation, a puzzled look settling on her soft features. "Does that make any sense?" she asked.  
  
Raoul was looking slightly bemused. "Not really. But I think I understand you. Still." he trailed off. Kel understood his words though.  
  
"I don't like him like that Sir," she said softly, wanting nothing better than to curl up and go to sleep but feeling she to justify herself to the older man. "He's just a friend," she frowned a little, "At least, I hope he will be."  
  
"He does not know then?" Raoul questioned. Seeing Kels small headshake, he looked at her accusingly. "Running away from your problems is not like you Kel. Why?" Once again red tinted the squires cheeks.  
  
"They don't like him Sir. They'd hate me." Kel sighed sadly. "They wouldn't understand."  
  
"Understand what, Kel?" Raoul asked quietly. She exhaled softly, a wistful look in her eyes.  
  
"The way he makes me feel." The tent was silent for a few moments as Raoul waited for her to go on. It became clear the girl was lost in her thoughts.  
  
"Which is.?" he prompted. Kel looked at him.  
  
"It's hard to explain," she began, forgetting her bashfulness on the subject, "When he kisses me, its like I'm on fire, yet it's so shocking I feel like I've just dived into a tub of ice, the two sensations mingling together, leaving me tingling where he's touched me. When he looks at me, holds me, I go warm inside, and it melts me. His voice sends shivers down my spine." Kel glanced at the floor before returning her gaze to her Knight master. "I think, if given the chance, I could love him."  
  
Raoul stood and smiled at Kel before pulling her into a fatherly hug. When they broke away he answered. "Then I'm happy for you. Now get some sleep." He turned and walked into his half of the tent. Kel stumbled the last few steps and practically fell onto her bed, only bothering to remove her boots. Her last thoughts were of Joren before she fell in to a deep, dreamless sleep.  
  
***************  
  
Neal was pacing. He had been doing so for the last thirty minutes, stopping every so often to head for the entrance of the room, only to stop, shake his head, and return to pacing up and down, a frown upon his forehead. He was driving his Knight Mistress crazy. The Lioness had been sitting on her bed, glaring at her squire since he had entered her rooms and begun the (in Alanna's opinion) ridiculous cycle. However, it made perfect sense to Neal.  
  
The squire stopped and headed for the door. His hand reached out for the handle, and he stopped, shook his head, and began to pace once more. Alanna growled and her glare intensified, convincing Neal it was definitely time to leave if he wanted to live to see the next day.  
  
Quickly making his escape, Neal smiled to himself. It was dangerous to use the Lioness as a timing system, but it worked so well. In the time it had taken for her to almost kill him with a look, Kel would no doubt be up, done with glaive practise, and be about to leave for breakfast. The plan was to catch her before she left the tent and make her tell him what was going on.  
  
Unlike the rest of Kel's friends, Neal wasn't blind. He knew something was bothering her, had been since the night Cleon kissed her for the second time. Keladry may not have spoken about it, but the other boys had been the ones to send the red head that night after they had seen her name in the lists. Her avoidance of the giant squire afterwards had not gone un-noticed by Neal; her rather rushed excuse not to be alone with him had just confirmed his suspicions. Then, of course, there was that strange exchange of looks with Stone Mountain in the mess tent.  
  
Neal sighed as he made his way out of the large manor into the mess of tents his friends were staying in. Kel's tent was close to the manor so that Lord Raoul could still get to social events on time, so Neal found it quite quickly. He was just about to enter when he heard voices. ".makes me feel." Neal decided this was a perfect opportunity to find out what was bugging his best friend. It also sounded very interesting. Pushing aside his doubts on eavesdropping on Kel he began to listen. Nothing was said for a while, so when he heard the deep voice of Lord Raoul, he jumped slightly.  
  
"Which is.?" There was pause as two people awaited Kel's next words.  
  
" It's hard to explain," he heard his friend say softly. " When he kisses me," Neal grinned. They were talking about Cleon, although, he was surprised at Kel's closeness with the older man; that she would rather talk to him instead of her friends. ".on fire, yet it's so shocking I feel like I've just dived into a tub of ice, the two sensations mingling together, leaving me tingling where he's touched me."  
  
Apparently, Cleon had a hidden talent. Kel continued ".looks at me, holds me, I go warm inside, and it melts me. His voice sends shivers down my spine." Neal couldn't help a small, almost silent, whistle of appreciation. There was another small pause and Neal waited impatiently to hear what more Kel had to say.  
  
"I think, if given the chance, I could love him."  
  
The grin on Neal's face nearly split his face. This was great news. About to burst dramatically into the tent, he heard Lord Raoul's response.  
  
"Then I'm happy for you. Now get some sleep."  
  
Neal frowned. Why would Kel need sleep? She'd had a whole night of it, hadn't she? The squire nearly swore loudly as he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning to see who it was, he was greeted with the face of Zahir.  
  
He glared at the other boy. The two had become good friends over the past two years. After all, The Lioness and the King spent much of their time in each other's company, so it was only natural for their squires to form a friendship.  
  
"Was that really necessary?" he hissed.  
  
"Were you just eavesdropping on Kel?" was the response. The pair began to walk away from Kel's tent. Neal had the grace to blush and feel ashamed until a cheeky grin appeared on his companions face.  
  
"Learn anything interesting?" he asked.  
  
***************  
  
"Guess what I've heard."  
  
"Go on."  
  
"They think she loves the redhead."  
  
"How did they come to that?" "Your admirer eavesdropped on a conversation between Keladry and her Knight master."  
  
"When do you think they will learn the truth?"  
  
"Soon."  
  
***************  
  
It was just over two weeks later, three since Kel and Joren first kissed, and Kel was currently lying on her bed, in the arms of her partner, half asleep. They had been meeting most nights, with Raoul letting her sleep in during the early morning. Also Neal had been a regular visitor to her tent, but faking slumber had proved the most effective method of getting him to leave the questioning. Cleon had become persistent in his need to talk with her privately. Only the Gods knew how Kel still managed to find excuses. All this on top of her usual duties as a squire was wearing her out, both physically and emotionally.  
  
She sighed and snuggled closer to Joren, her nose lightly brushing against his neck, making him smile. He pulled her nearer to him, glad for her warmth beside him.  
  
"Kel?"  
  
A voice that Kel had learned to hate came through the canvas. The girl groaned loudly and attempted to lie on top of Joren to prevent him from moving. He chuckled quietly.  
  
"Kel. I know you're in there."  
  
Joren sighed and pulled himself back from the hazel eyed girl. She shivered from the loss of heat and looked at the blonde squire imploringly. He gave a small smile.  
  
"You have to face him sometime," he said softly, "I'll be waiting. Just in there." He nodded his head towards Raoul's part of the tent. Kel sighed, nodding lightly as Joren kissed her tenderly and lifted himself from the bed. When he had gone through the flap, Kel walked to the entrance.  
  
She lifted the material to see the determined face of Cleon. She looked at him tiredly and he became wide eyed.  
  
"I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"  
  
Kel sighed and rubbed her eyes, pondering the proper answer to that question. No, she was not asleep, but yes, he had woken her from the sweet dream of Joren's embrace, bringing her crashing into harsh reality all too soon for her liking.  
  
"Sort of," she replied.  
  
"Oh," Cleon said, his grey eyes widening slightly, "I'm sorry. Shall I go?"  
  
Kel bit her lip, torn in two. She silently cursed her weak will and Cleon for giving her this opportunity to back out again. Glancing quickly to the flap that separated her tent from Raouls, her resolve strengthened. This was the first step to her and Joren pursuing an open relationship. They would never amount to anything if she could not do this. Kel suddenly realised just how much depended on her next words. It was far more than her friendship with the red head. She had neglected this for far too long.  
Nervous, but decided, Kel opened her mouth to speak.  
  
"No," she all but whispered. "No," she spoke louder this time, her head rising to look directly at Cleon for the first time in weeks. Her mind raced. Sure she knew she had to tell him, but suddenly, words were a large problem. "Cleon, I," she began, before exhaling sharply and frowning, perplexed. Looking straight into his eyes she said, "We need to talk," her voice far stronger than she felt. Hidden behind canvas, Joren smiled at Kels no-nonsense voice. This was the girl he knew as Kel.  
  
Cleon sighed heavily. He'd heard of those four words. Nothing good ever followed them, and the voice was no positive sign either. He sat on the bedroll, noticing instantly its unusual heat.  
  
"You've been avoiding me," he said bluntly. He, too, was tired of dancing around the subject.  
  
"Yes," Kel responded, just as subtly as Cleon. It was then that Cleon lost all hope for ever being with Kel. He knew it had been foolish to hope that she could possibly like him back. She had, after all, been avoiding him for over a month. His little bubble of hope burst and he felt pain. He knew it wasn't physical but it felt as if someone had stabbed him in his heart and viciously wrenched the knife out again, along with his still-beating heart.  
  
"Cleon, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," Kel continued, "But I was afraid." Cleon looked up and saw clearly what she was scared of. His weren't the only eyes betraying emotions at that moment. She was afraid of what this would do to them, to their friendship. The look in Cleon's eyes made Kels heart constrict. She hated seeing people she cared about in pain, especially when she was the cause of it.  
  
Cleon stood. "I'll just.go then," he whispered, looking everywhere but Kel. She put her hand on his arm and felt him trembling under her fingers.  
  
"Cleon." she said, her real question going unspoken, but clear to all three people in the tent. He remained still for a moment before giving his answer. He pulled his arm away.  
  
"I'll just go," he repeated. Tears rose in Kels eyes. No, their friendship couldn't survive. The best she could hope for was to remain on speaking terms with him, once he knew the whole truth. All the pent up emotion of the past few weeks overtook her, and she began to shiver. Strong arms encircled her from behind as the first tear slipped down her golden cheek.  
  
A/N: A few hints in this chapter as to what you can expect in the next few. Thanks again to everyone who reviewed!!!!!  
  
Lady Fire eyes 


End file.
